大使疫情手记 (双语10) —— “无处逃循！” 小丑对窃贼说

作者：Geoff Raby

中文：罗曼

转自朱雀艺术

前澳大利亚驻华大使、艺术收藏家、经济学家、专栏作家 Dr Geoff Raby AO 原计划于二月底返回北京，后因新冠疫情爆发滞留悉尼。朱雀艺术特别开设【号外】专栏，连载大使的疫情手记。今日连载至第10篇。

  大使疫情手记（十）“无处逃遁！” 小丑对窃贼说（致敬鲍勃·迪伦） 

（注：标题改编自鲍勃·迪伦的歌曲《沿着瞭望塔》(All Along the Watchtower) 中一句著名歌词）

如今的生活使我很难厘清日子，甚至也记不得悉尼是否已经封城两周了。我当然可以查一下，不过这一两天之差也不算什么。每天的时间都在相互延伸和碰撞，对于期盼着这段日子尽早结束的煎熬中的人们来说，时光正以截然不同的形态流逝。

我坚持每天一次外出锻炼和一次外出购买必需品。这种规律对我来说不算难事，既无更多选择，也不存在折中方案。这种生活有点像我在泰国参加过几次的核心排毒课程。两周的课程除了禁食（当然，也禁止酒精、咖啡或香烟）之外，还包括每日灌肠和每周洗肝。抛开这次疫情造成的破坏不说，排毒课程和封城生活有些相似。遵守一套流程或规则，消除选择，最重要的是消除诱惑，于是它就变成生活的一部分，然后一切就迎刃而解了。

逃出这一套程式，尝试妥协或作弊，随之而来的除了更多的选择空间，还有永无止境的焦虑。排毒课程对于夫妻或伴侣而言总是最难熬的，因为总有一方想要犯规，于是导致两人之间不断的恶性循环和争吵。

泰国海边的排毒课程体验中心一角

我真的无法想象有孩子的家庭该如何应对封城。正如其他人的生存之道一样，他们也必须找到一套生活新规律。孩子们一定觉得在家的每天都是度日如年，对那些筋疲力尽的父母们而言又何尝不是呢。

奇怪的是，对我来说，每一天都过得飞快。但是，这种不自由的束缚感令人心情沉重。我想去墨尔本看望我刚过百岁寿辰的母亲——不准旅行！在家连续下厨了几个星期，我想去附近的一家餐馆吃晚饭——也不可以！而且餐馆都关门了！去周围的酒吧感受一下友谊和温暖怎么样？——酒吧也关了，而且或许就此彻底歇业。我们可以这样继续过活，但这样的生活乏善可陈。我的处境还算不错，困扰我的都是一些无足挂齿的小事。可是对于许多人来说，他们的处境是悲惨的。

摄于Geoff母亲百岁生日派对

印度著名作家阿伦达蒂·罗伊在今日的《金融时报》上发表了一篇关于印度紧急封锁的残酷处境的文章，写得十分动人。那里的情况之可怕堪比但丁笔下的地狱，或是耶罗尼米斯·博斯《人间乐园》三联画中的地狱篇。但是，这些贫苦绝望、穷困潦倒、衣衫褴褛、体弱多病的人，他们在最好的时代过着我们眼中悲惨不堪的生活，他们并非受到复仇之神的惩罚，而是受到了一个贪得无厌的自负政客莫迪的惩罚。

疫情中的印度少年。图片转自金融时报网站

我的思绪又回到了北京。那里的生活似乎正在慢慢回归正常，值得认可，比如更宽松的社交规定。如今我也说不清为什么留在这里更好，因为没有人可以见面讨论互动，一切都是通过Zoom或Skype之类的软件完成的。一个人在哪里其实也不那么重要了。

此外，我完成手稿所需的书籍和文件都在北京，在我名为Beijing Party Central的家中，那里还有一个不错的私人酒吧和几盒雪茄。突然之间，我似乎找到出路了。当然，现在唯一的问题就是澳大利亚政府是不会允许我出境的。我从来都不知道他们这么喜欢我！

Geoff Raby’s Pandemic Journal 10

There’s no way out of here, said the Joker to the Thief (courtesy Bob Dylan)

It is easy to lose count of the days now.  It is probably not even two weeks since total lockdown. I could look it up, of course, but a day or two here and there doesn’t matter much. It all stretches and runs into each other, and time takes on a different shape when one is doing time, wishing the days away.

I’m sticking to the rules – one exercise outing and one shopping (for necessities!?) per day.  It is easier for me to stay with the program. No choices or fudges required. It is like hard-core detox which I did a couple of times in Thailand. No food and, of course, no alcohol, coffee or tobacco, for two weeks and daily enemas and weekly liver flushes. It is a bit like this lockdown, minus the depredations. Stay with the program or rules and eliminate choices and – most importantly temptations – and it becomes routine and then it is not so difficult.  

Step outside the program, compromise or cheat, and there is no end to the choices and anxieties that ensue. At detox, couples struggled the most because one would invariably want to step away from the program and then that would lead to a continual downward spiral and arguments between themselves.

It is really impossible for me to imagine how families with children can deal with lockdown. Like everyone, they survive most likely by finding a routine. For the children, the days must be long and for the parents trying. 

Curiously, for me, each day zips past. But then the unfreedom weighs heavily. I would like to see my 100-year-plus-six-months old mother in Melbourne. Not allowed to travel! After weeks of cooking at home, I would like to just drop into a local restaurant for dinner. Not allowed and besides they’re all closed! How about a feeling of companionship and warmth by dropping into the local bar? Shut and may never open again. We could all gone on like this and it does no good. My situation is very privileged, and these are the trivial things that bother me. For so many people, their situations are tragically dire.

The famous Indian writer, Arundahti Roy, has a beautifully written horror story in today’s Financial Times about the brutal emergency lockdown in India. It could be from Dante’s Inferno or the Hell panel from Hieronymus Bosch’s Garden of Earthly Delights. But these poor, desperate, destitute, lam and infirm people, for whom life in the best of times was ghastly by our standards, are not being punished by a vengeful God, but rather by a vain and venal politician, Modi.

My mind is turning to returning to Beijing. Life seems to be inching back towards something that is recognisable, such as easier social interaction. It is not clear why it is better to stay here now as no one can meet to discuss and interact, it is all done by Zoom or Skype or whatever. It really doesn’t matter much where one is.

Besides, all the books and papers that I really need to finish my manuscript are in Beijing, and there’s a good bar, and boxes of cigars, inside my own Beijing Party Central home. Suddenly there may be a way out. The only, catch of course, is the Australian Government will not let me leave. I did not realise that they liked me so much!